On Disappearing

by Josh Fuson

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1.
01:38
Kids with greasy hair and shades plastic white smoke the cigarette air while synthesizers fight I spot your silhouette behind the record stacks asking some know-it-all where that new Ricky Lee Jones is at As though I knew you before and never will again the way you wear the night diminishes everything
2.
03:16
I crack open a bottle of wine. No one here except me tonight. Should I feel bad? Cuz I don't feel bad. Same dirty pants and shirt that I change into after work. Should I feel bad? Cuz I don't feel bad. But if you ask me again maybe I will. My hair, it splits and thins. I take coffee with my vitamins. Should I feel old? Cuz I don't feel old. It's ten pm and I'm in bed when my friends are going out instead. Should I feel old? Cuz I don't feel old. But if you ask me again maybe I will. Yeah, if you ask me again maybe I will. You call it moping around and not taking social cues So if you know me that well just tell me what I should do in order to be myself.
3.
You're asleep in the next room. I'll try not to make a sound. I hope that the medicine takes and the fever goes down. As I watch the lines on my skin wrinkling with age it comforts me to know we can still laugh the same way. I love the man you've become and I want you to stick around so let's see the medicine take and the fever goes down.
4.
02:40
Decades of old film shine on the white screen. Your memory's sharp as mine as your world flies on by. You say you've lived too long cuz your house needs work again. The paint is peeling off outside. The front step's crumbling. You move yourself downstairs. A shower and a bed. A life that can's sustain itself, you say, doesn't make sense. Decades of old film shine on the white screen. Your memory's sharp as mine as your world flies on by.
5.
04:04
Invite me up. Take me home. Go slow. Go slow. Fingers trace backbones. Go slow. Go slow. He will never know. Who needs the bright lights? Go slow. Go slow. Make it last 'til sunrise. Go slow. Go slow. He will never know. He will never know.
6.
04:33
Yeah, oh yeah, I do want to get in that car with you and drive across the Appalachians to the land of country music. I don't know which hurts the most is it that I can't or is it that I won't. A tough call as we close the bar but either way you'll be gone and either way I'll be back home with all my faults that keep me from being someone leaving with you. Yeah, oh yeah, I do want to get in that car with you and leave the sorrow of this city taking just what I've got with me. I'd hope that it rains part of the way. We'd let the windshield set the pace. And then maybe once in a while you'd lift me with a lullaby. I don't know which hurts the most is it that I can't or is it that I won't. A tough call as we close the bar but either way you'll be gone and either way I'll be back home with all my faults that keep me from being someone leaving with you.
7.
The 8am sun finds it's way through the shades and wakes me up with bright lines across my face. I thought the morning would bring us a fresh start but here I am feeling all out of sorts. There's no common headache. Didn't have much to drink. But how I wish that just holding you would keep me from thinking. I shouldn't resent you for sleeping so sound and I shouldn't beat myself up for feeling so down but when my convictions crumble and my heart's cold as stone I can't help but wonder were we happier alone. So put your arm around me and tell me we'll be ok. Or tell me to go fuck myself. You knew I wasn't strong enough anyway. I thought the morning would bring us a fresh start but here I am feeling all out of sorts.
8.
02:50
Frank, I'm glad you finally cut your grass but I hate it when you yell at your dog like that. Better watch out or he won't come back the very next time gets the smallest chance. Make a run for it now. Run for it, boy. He's so unhappy but it's not your story. Third shift at the cannery has got to be hard but taking it out on your wife won't get you far. Better wise up or it's gonna smart when you're left with a broken home and an empty heart. Make a run for it now. Run for it, girl. He's so unhappy but it's not your world. Make a run for it now. Run for it, boy. He's so unhappy but it's not your story. Make a run for it now. Run for it, girl. He's so unhappy but it's not your world. Frank, I'm glad you finally cut your grass but I hate it when you yell at your dog like that.
9.
She moved out months ago and she's never coming back. My friends say they told me so and I should quit the sad bastard act. But as my purpose fades the city falls to shit and it's such a mess to think I don't know who she is and even if I did it's not like she would care she'd rather be anywhere other than here. So many things back at my place that I need to make my own again and gradually disassociate her from the rest. But as my purpose fades the city falls to shit and it's such a mess to think I don't know who she is and even if I did it's not like she would care she'd rather be anywhere... You know I could feeling coming. I could hear it in her voice. Two weeks before the day she left me she had already made a choice.
10.
I hate wanting to know why you picked up and left without a fight. Out of my arms, out of my life. Strength returns to the spirit slow. This chipper face is just a show and my how-are-you story's a pathetic joke. I hate wanting to know why you picked up and left without a fight. Out of my arms, out of my life. Three words always spill out too fast. A contrived solution to a wretched past. I love you. But the die's been cast. I hate wanting to know why you picked up and left without a fight. Out of my arms, out of my life.

credits

released November 18, 2014

All instruments and voice performed by Josh Fuson except Nate Dort adds synth to "Ask Me Again" and programming in "Medicine Take" and Buick Audra lends her voice to "Yeah I Do".

Recorded by Nate Dort at his house.
Produced by Josh Fuson and Nate Dort.
"Old Film" recorded and produced by Tate Eskew.
Mixed by Nate Dort and Josh Fuson.
Mastered by Carl Saff at Saff Mastering, Chicago, IL

Artwork by Erik Stell
Album design by Daniel Dennis

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Josh Fuson Denver, Colorado

While rooted in folk, the soundscapes in which Denver artist/producer Josh Fuson tells his stories vary from intimate vocals over an acoustic guitar to lush arrangements of soaring keys, weaving electric guitars, and anchoring drums and bass.

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